The Warmth of Friendship: Silent Support Between Friends
"True friendship doesn't need grand gestures; it's often found in the smallest, quietest moments."
A Warm Friendship in My Teenage Years
I never went to university, but during high school, I had a friend who truly understood me. At that time, my mum was in hospital, and I had to look after her at night while still attending school during the day. I was exhausted. Every morning, as I dragged myself into the classroom, she would have breakfast ready for me. She didn’t ask, "Are you hungry?"—she simply handed it to me, knowing I wouldn’t ask for help myself.
On weekends, she’d invite me to her house for dinner. Her family lived in the city, and since our school was in the city centre, it wasn’t far. Her family treated me like one of their own, and in their home, I felt something rare and precious—a sense of belonging and warmth.
I still vividly remember those moments at her place. Her home had such a harmonious vibe. Unlike many families that only focus on daily routines, hers was filled with meaningful discussions—about books, about films worth watching, about songs with depth and feeling. We watched Schindler’s List together, a film that left a lasting impression on me, deepening my understanding of history and human resilience. I also learnt to sing Meng Jiang Nan, a popular song at the time by Zhu Xiaolin.
Even now, the lyrics of that song linger in my mind, painting a poetic image of a misty southern landscape:
"Rain drizzles down, the bridge bends like a ribbon,
Ah, the white sails drifting—those are dreams of home,
Dreams of Jiangnan.
Is this night just another fleeting mist of time?
Or a water lily blooming in the unknown of tonight?
If only I could turn into a verse from the Tang and Song dynasties,
Sleeping by your side forever."
Back then, we didn’t have much entertainment, but simply being in that warm household, discussing films, singing songs, and sharing thoughts, was a rare and precious joy. That friendship, quiet yet strong, became one of the most beautiful memories of my youth.
Why is Friendship in China Often Expressed Through Material Things?
Having lived in different countries, I’ve noticed that friendship is expressed differently across cultures. In China, friendships tend to lack a certain warmth or romanticism—not in the romantic love sense, but in the way we cherish and express emotions. Friendships are often demonstrated through material gestures—buying gifts, treating friends to meals, or pulling strings to help with practical matters—while emotional connection and verbal affirmation are often overlooked.
I’ll be honest—sometimes, this way of expressing friendship frustrates me. It feels like there’s an invisible wall between people, making deep emotional connection difficult. So why does this happen?
1. A Culture of Reserved Emotions
Chinese culture values restraint. Friends don’t usually hug or say things like “I really appreciate you”. Instead, care is often shown through actions—someone might not say “I support you”, but they’ll quietly help you solve a problem or treat you to dinner without saying much.
2. A Practical, Transactional Mindset
Modern Chinese society is built on practicality. Friendships often have an element of mutual benefit, where favours, help, and networking play a huge role. Many people see material exchanges as the primary way to show friendship, while emotional companionship and heartfelt conversations take a backseat.
3. Lack of Emotional Education
Growing up in China, children are taught to be obedient, diligent, and responsible, but rarely taught how to express love, how to listen, and how to genuinely care for others. In contrast, kids in Western cultures are encouraged to express emotions openly—hugging their friends, telling them "I appreciate you," or even writing heartfelt letters.
How Can We Make Friendships Warmer and Less Materialistic?
The good news is, there are simple ways we can move beyond material expressions and bring more emotional warmth into our friendships.
1. Learn to Express Appreciation
If a friend helps you, don’t just assume they know you’re grateful—say it out loud. A simple "Thank you, that really meant a lot to me" makes a big difference. If someone’s presence in your life matters, tell them: "Having you as a friend really makes my life better." These small affirmations strengthen bonds in ways that money never can.
2. Presence Over Presents
Have you ever had a friend who never buys you expensive gifts, but is always there for you? Many friendships in China are built on giving back materially, but true friendship isn’t about expensive dinners or favours—it’s about time, presence, and support. A real friend doesn’t keep a scorecard; they simply show up.
3. Small Gestures, Big Impact
You don’t have to make a grand declaration of friendship. Simple, everyday actions show people you care—remember their birthday, check in on them when they’re having a tough time, or send a heartfelt message just to say, "Hey, thinking of you today."
4. Create Shared Memories
Some of the best friendships are built not on things, but on experiences—a road trip, a deep conversation at 2 AM, or even just sharing a bowl of noodles at a street stall. Friendship isn’t measured in money spent; it’s measured in time spent together.
Conclusion: The Silent Warmth of Friendship
In adult life, friendships may not have the same intensity as they did in our teenage years, but they gain a quiet, steady depth. True friends don’t need to be in constant contact, but when you need them, they’re always there.
Do you have a friend like that? Have you ever experienced a friendship where love was expressed not in words, but in silent, unwavering support? Share your story in the comments—I’d love to hear it!
-To Be Continued EP014-
