The Language of Love: Beyond Words
Do We Really Know How to Express Love?
Have you heard of Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages? He proposed that everyone expresses and receives love differently, categorized into:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
In different cultures, the "language of love" also varies greatly.
The Language of Words: To Express or Not to Express?
My husband is a romantic man who frequently tells me, "I love you." However, at first, I wasn’t used to it. My parents never said "I love you" to us, nor did they celebrate our birthdays. My sisters and I grew up accustomed to feeling somewhat overlooked.
One day, I asked my husband, "Why do you always need to say it? I already know you love us through your actions; isn’t that enough?"
He smiled and replied, "Love needs to be spoken, too. It reassures and confirms the feelings in our hearts."
He even taught me how to respond: "It’s simple, just say ‘Love you too!’"
Over time, I learned to express love with words. In our family, we remember each other’s birthdays, and before the pandemic, we even traveled to different cities to surprise loved ones. Birthday parties are a tradition in our home, where we gather with friends to share love and companionship.
Acts of Love: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
During my time running a café in Guangzhou, I deeply realized how acts of love can go beyond words.
When I first started the café, my son was only a few months old. A kind neighbor often came to help take care of him, treating him like her own grandson. She sang Cantonese nursery rhymes, told him stories, and made him nourishing soups and porridge. Perhaps because of this, even now at 19 years old, he still loves drinking soup and eating porridge.
When the café got busy, regular customers didn’t just sit and wait. They would naturally step in to help, introducing new customers to the best coffee and food. Many of them stayed until closing time and felt happy to contribute something to the café.
Once, a regular customer wanted to propose in our café. He secretly decorated the space with his friends, creating a romantic atmosphere. His girlfriend, also a frequent visitor, thought it was just a normal date night, but she was surprised with a heartfelt proposal. The other customers at the café cheered and congratulated them. From then on, our café became a well-known place for young couples to express their love. I provided the venue for free—only asking that they purchase food and drinks—and allowed them to decorate the space as they wished, as long as it was done in a safe and positive way.
Love is an action—it manifests in the way we help each other, not just in the words we say.
The Love of Presence: The Warmth of Time Spent Together
My son and I enjoy taking walks together. When he was eight, I once asked him, "Why did you choose me to be your mother?"
He thought for a moment and replied, "I didn’t choose you, that was random!"
His rational response made me laugh. I then asked, "What do you enjoy the most when we’re together?"
He answered, "When I was little, I loved bedtime stories. Now that I can read on my own, I enjoy our walks and conversations… and in winter, I love soaking our feet in a warm bucket together in the living room."
That reminded me of my childhood. Back then, we didn’t have running water, so in winter, we would heat a big bucket of water. My sisters and I would soak our feet in it while listening to our mother tell us fairy tales like Grimm’s Tales and One Thousand and One Nights. Those moments still warm my heart.
The Gift of Love: The Most Precious Gifts Are Memories
My husband enjoys giving gifts. He has given me Sri Lankan elephant charms, duty-free perfumes, and other thoughtful presents. But I prefer simplicity. My favorite gifts are books or a family photo.
One year on my birthday, he asked what I wanted. I told him, "Let’s take a family photo together!"
That year, we hired a photographer and took beautiful pictures in a New Zealand park. These photos, capturing our togetherness, meant more to me than any material gift.
For Father’s Day in 2021, I asked my son, "Would you write a poem for your dad as a gift?"
He eagerly agreed and wrote this poem:
How much you’ve gone through,
How much you’ve seen occur?
Was it all out of the blue,
Has it felt like a blur?
Or does your photographic memory which I cannot deny now,
Relive each fallacy and factuality
You tell us, with such highbrow?
But something with certain, define certitude,
Something nobody can doubt,
Is simply your amazing, savourable food
It puts all others (but duck, sorry) to a rout!
Here is a little note of my appreciation,
Please tell me, is it an accurate evaluation?
Your son, Ben
This poem, filled with humor and love, especially the part where he teases his dad about duck being the only exception, was one of the most heartfelt gifts ever.
Love’s Sound: A Simple Gesture Can Be Love
In our family, we have a unique way of expressing love.
Whenever one of us makes a kissing sound, the others immediately respond with the same sound, as if sending love through the air.
Every night before bed, we say goodnight and "I love you." My son, especially, will come to our bedroom door, say, "I love you guys, good night!" and wait for our reply.
Love Beyond Words: The Final Reflection
Love is not just saying "I love you"—it is found in everyday moments:
In acts of service—caring for a child, cooking a warm meal, or cleaning up a shared space.
In time spent together—going for a walk, having deep conversations, or simply being present.
In meaningful gifts—a book, a handwritten note, a captured memory.
In small sounds and gestures—a goodnight wish, a simple echo of affection.
The language of love varies for everyone, but what matters most is that we feel it, express it, and let it flow.
How do you express love? How do your loved ones show their love for you?
-To be Continued EP010-
